I came across this music video the other day, by Christian hip-hop artist, NF.
And through tears, I watched as he told the true story of his mother’s addiction to drugs, her death by overdose and the impact on this young man’s heart.
You know how some songs just reach deep inside your chest, grab you by the heart and don’t let go? Yeah.
Here are some of the lyrics:
They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell
You say you proud of me, but you don’t know me that well
Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell
Into my pillowcases, you say you coming to get us
Then call ’em a minute later just to tell us you not, I’m humiliated
I’m in a room with a parent that I don’t barely know
Some lady in the corner watching us, while she taking notes
I don’t get it mom, don’t you want to watch your babies grow?
I guess that pills are more important, all you have to say is no
But you won’t do it will you? You gon’ keep popping ’til those pills kill you
I know you gone but I can still feel you
Wow, it makes me teary just reading the lyrics again.
Recently I watched the controversial (for it’s take on suicide) series 13 Reasons Why.
There were many “moments” that got to me from that series, but one in particular centred on the character Justin. (Spoiler Alert)
He lives with his single mother, but is often kicked out by her on-and-off boyfriend, who doesn’t like Justin. I think his mother struggles with mental health issues and alcoholism.
There is this one scene towards the end of the series where the boyfriend has Justin up against the wall, holding onto his throat, telling Justin to get out of his (the boyfriend’s) house. Justin’s Mum is standing off to the side, watching. Justin looks over at her and pleads, “Mum?” But she does nothing.
Then the boyfriend lets Justin get down. He grabs his bag and runs out of the house, wiping back the tears.
As I watched that scene, my Mumma heart just wanted to reach out and hold that big little boy. To reassure him that he was loved. That someone had his back.
I’m still only early on in this motherhood journey. I’m in the “sowing” stage, not yet at the “reaping” stage.
But I know that our young boys need us, Mums. They need us in a distinct and important way – different, but no less important to how they need their Dads.
I know they need us to sow into their lives love and security and warmth.
I know they need to see what a healthy relationship looks like.
I know they need to see that we don’t put inanimate objects before them (whether that be pills or phones or anything else).
And ultimately, they need us to introduce them to Jesus. The ultimate source of love and security.
Mothers – myself included – we only get to raise each child once. Let’s not mess this up.
Here’s a fantastic resource about raising boys, from a Mum who is older and wiser and further along than me: http://jessconnell.com/25-tips-moms-boys/