Romance is…

Today I was in the shops buying some new socks for my husband, when a wave of emotion washed over me and I started to get teary.

I guess it just occurred to me how thankful I am to have him, and buying socks was a reminder of that.

Oh, and pregnancy hormones have made my emotions get slightly ridiculous. πŸ˜‰

But it made me reflect on romance, and how much it has changed over the years.

When we were dating, we spent a lot of time going on long walks and talking, exploring new places in the city, trying out new restaurants. My husband used to write me letters with hilarious poems and buy me random gifts, just because.

Our time dating was lots of fun, and we built many great memories together that we still reminisce about.

But things have changed now, after 6 years of marriage and 2 kids. And I wouldn’t go back to how things were, even if I could. I love the memories we made, but I love the way our love has deepened and our life has changed over time.

Now, romance is the way he goes off to work faithfully each day, regardless of how he feels, to provide for our little family.

Romance is the way our sleeping bodies find each other in the middle of a cold night.

Romance is his mock outrage when I take the first sip of his wine.

Romance is me standing in front of the mirror, moaning about how big my belly is already, and his retort – “maybe it’s twins”.

Romance is making his favourite dinner, because I know it’s been a hard day.

Romance is stolen kisses in the hallway, whose length depends one whether little eyes are watching or not.

Romance now is so different to how it was, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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11 thoughts on “Romance is…

  1. So sweet, and true.
    How uplifting! πŸ™‚
    Brings me back to those days long ago…every season has been the “best time”.
    I remember one day back in our youth, we were biking to the coffee shop with our little ducks following. When we got there, there was an older couple getting off their bikes and going into the coffee shop together. They looked happy, like they were probably retired and enjoying a quiet romantic Saturday morning.
    “That will be us someday,” he said with a smile.
    We’re probably closer to that age now than the age we were then. Our first “little duck” leaves the nest next year. It’s still romantic. Yeah, that will be us. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oops you can delete that last comment I sent before I was ready 😳. I wanted to add more to what I said earlier. I feel like a lot of “relationship experts” say you need to go on dates with your spouse after you have kids and do all the stuff you did before you had children in order to keep the romance alive. But I like your perspective, it makes me see that you can be just as close and romantic with your spouse without all the things you did before kids. Thanks for this! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Surrendered Girl,
    Thanks for the comments and welcome to the blog.
    We still try to go on dates and stuff, but during certain seasons even that isn’t possible. (Like with nursing infants)
    It’s funny, when I wrote this post, my husband said, “I like what you wrote, but I think you’re seeing romance where there wasn’t any intended.”
    I said, “yeah, that’s kind of the point.” πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  4. To me, a husband, romance is every little evidence that she is very happy she married me. It’s the sweetness and devotion when I think I’ve ruined everything. It’s the unforced smile, and the passionate kiss when I really did mess things up. It’s the sign that she is determined to be in love even when things are not going well. It’s dressing in a way that says, “you weren’t home when I got dressed, but I was thinking about you!” It’s the way both of us can relax knowing that we both still crave each other’s company. It’s the flirting and teasing that show all day long that it is difficult to wait to indulge in love-making freely and wholeheartedly.

    When I married, I was craving these things, both giving and receiving. I have been defrauded since the very first day… a long time ago. Aside from the severely broken heart and crushed spirit, I have been frustrated to find that christians play down the importance of romance. My wife has told me that she believes it is not a sin to not be in love… which leads her to believe she doesn’t have an obligation to work on it or pursue it. She thinks it is something that will happen automatically, if only *I* would be a desireable man. My depression has grown so deep it has affected my ability to function, so it seems like a catch-22 to me. She really isn’t being honest, anyway. She was always able to find a reason to evade both submission and intimacy, even when I was very functional, and not depressed (and pursuing her diligently).

    My wife actually maintains her coldness by relying on christian counsellors who are carelessly undermining husbands — in authority, romance, sex, etc.. It is now popular to tell husbands to just man up (meaning do without your wife’s love) and realize marriage was given to make us holy, not happy. Frankly, I don’t see it in scripture. In fact, marriage was given before we had sin at all. Our wedding vows certainly don’t provide for making the other person miserable so that they’ll be more holy. Why is it that christians are the ones who dance around this so much? If someone doesn’t even care if their spouse is happy, how can they claim to love their spouse? I know happiness, like romance, comes and goes, but there’s an underlying motivation that has to be there.

    I thought I was going to experience that. I’m feeling really defrauded, and incredibly valueless. The rejection of being left for someone else must be awful. But I am less valuable than having no one at all — and I don’t even get left so I can find a good relationship with someone else. Church leaders either can’t or won’t help… I’m at wit’s end. I’ve done all the stuff an intelligent person can find to do. The fact is, she’s quite disingenuous so that she can control me and prevent a real marriage. I stopped pursuing her nearly three months ago. She didn’t show any sign of noticing. I crave romantic intimacy, but there’s not enough written about it’s vital role in marriage for me to be able to make a case. It is assumed to be obvious, so people talk about sex on forgivenwife.com and other places, and don’t explicitly address romance except on occasion. It probably wouldn’t change her, but at least she couldn’t argue it anymore.

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  5. My wife actually maintains her coldness by relying on christian counsellors who are carelessly undermining husbands

    As a husband, what would you think of a man (a stranger) who would lay his emotional burden on your wife? Who would, as you have in two places I’ve seen, tell his story of heartache and rejection to other men’s wives? Would you find that disrespectful? Would you find that to be an intrusion, a ploy to garner the sympathies and emotional concern of your wife without the permission from you, her husband, to do so?

    From what I have seen, there are many men writing on many blogs who offer empathy and with that wisdom for a man in your situation. Though it may be tempting to seek some sort of nurturing from a woman who has it to give, it is not appropriate. You know biblically it is not for women to teach men, so it is not advice you are seeking. You are seeking, without permission from a husband and thereby undermining his authority, the care and concern from their wives.

    Some of the men who could help you can be found at Dalrock’s, Cane Caldo’s, Deep Strength’s, and many other blogs.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. @Object of Contempt,
    I wouldn’t quite put it how SD has, but I agree with her conclusion – this is probably not the best space for you to find sympathy and help on your journey.
    All the best, brother. I pray that God will strengthen and guide you.

    Liked by 1 person

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