Why would God give life, only to take it away?
Why would He answer a prayer with a resounding ‘YES’, only to change it to ‘NO’ later on?
Why would the One who sustains all life turn His face away when that life is most vulnerable?
And the question at the heart of them all…
Is God good?
These are the questions I had groaning in my soul, when I was too afraid to speak them, in the dark hours following my recent miscarriage.
The temptation was and is there to fall into the chasm of my own pain and hurt, to ignore what I have known of God.
It’s times like these that make me really reflect on my faith and what it means… what it is worth.
Is it a crutch for this weak-minded person, in a cruel world – then why does it make me stumble instead of helping me to walk?
Is my faith a way to add a veneer of spirituality to a life of my own creation and determination? Am I really living the way I want, and just painting God over the top, like a shiny lacquer? Well, a miscarriage was certainly not part of my plan….
Am I looking for meaning where there is none? Praying to God and hearing my own echo respond?
But while the enemy whispered accusations in my ear, the Spirit flooded my mind with Scriptures and filled my heart with peace.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
may the name of the Lord be praised.
Everything we have, including our children, have been given by God. He has the freedom to give and the freedom to take away.
Job is the one who said this – Job who suffered a much greater loss than my husband and I have. I want my response to suffering to be just as faith-filled as Job’s.
Not to us, Lord, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.
Why do the nations say,
“Where is their God?”
Our God is in heaven;
he does whatever pleases him.
But their idols are silver and gold,
made by human hands.
They have mouths, but cannot speak,
eyes, but cannot see.
They have ears, but cannot hear,
noses, but cannot smell.
They have hands, but cannot feel,
feet, but cannot walk,
nor can they utter a sound with their throats.
Those who make them will be like them,
and so will all who trust in them.
God is in heaven and he does what he pleases.
There is a strange security and peace that comes from knowing God is sovereign, that He is in control of everything. It means that nothing that happens in my life is outside of His reach, even this miscarriage. And, to be honest, that is a hard thought – that God could have stopped this baby miscarrying and yet He didn’t. But what is the alternative? That He desperately wanted to, but had no power to stop it? That would make him like one of the man-made gods from the passage above. These gods looked and behaved exactly as their followers wanted them to, but ultimately they were powerless to do anything because they weren’t real.
Would I rather have a comfortable, cushy faith following a god of my own imagining, who never wants anything bad to happen to me, but at the end of the day can’t do a single thing? Or would I rather follow a God who is real, and who sometimes does things that are painful for me personally, but are part of his greater plan?
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
At the end of the day, whatever happens in our lives, we cannot be separated from God’s love. His love is solid and He is not going anywhere.
We can kick and scream and ask all our questions of Him and he can take it. He will not let go of His children in Christ.
My faith is worthless.
I could have the faith of a thousand nuns, but if my faith is in a false god, is it meaningless and powerless to do anything.
But I put my faith in God, who is infinitely powerful and loving. And I am so thankful that He will not let me go.
Note: I realise the topic of miscarriage, and just suffering in general, makes this post a bit sensitive. But I want you to know that I am still open for discussion. Please don’t feel like you can’t disagree with me here because I’m processing a personal issue. 🙂